Handful of Nothing

Luke: Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right.

[Gets on knees, closes eyes and begins to pray]
Luke: . On my knees, asking.
[Peeks up with one eye, waits. Then opens eyes and crosses arms]
Luke: . Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case.
[Clicks tongue]
Luke: . Yeah. I guess I gotta find my own way.
[Headlights shine through windows, backs up]
Dragline: Luke?
Luke: [Shakes head and smiles] Is that Your answer, Old Man? I guess You're a hard case, too.

The Story of Loquesto

When I was working at MARKT I would write these horrible little short storied about my co-workers. I don't mean they were bad (matter of fact some of them were really very good), but I would write about terrible, terrible things happening to those guys. It was just a way to pass the time really. 

I showed one of them to the guy I had written it about and he really liked it and told me it was okay if I let others read about how he was secretly an insane football player's ball-soaper. Yes, I wrote a story about a waiter who privately longs to work for a professional football team washing the players genitals. 

I thought for a little bit. If this was gonna be my first "published" piece of fiction I needed a nice nom de plume. There was a jar of Newman's Own spaghetti sauce in my fridge. On the back label there was a story purporting to be the "true story" of how this particular sauce came into existance. And it was signed "P. Loquesto Newman". I promptly typed "by K. Loquesto Pierson" on the short story and printed up a bunch of copies for my fellow waiters to read. And thus the Loquesto you've all come to know was born. I did it as a tribute to a man I have always greatly admired.

Paul Newman was my biggest hero. Even bigger than Bruce Willis. Cool Hand Luke is my favorite movie of all time.  Almost all of Mr. Newman's movies are in my favorite list. But it was more than his movies. It was how he lived his life. The profits from that jar of spaghetti sauce in my refrigerator all went to charity. The man gave hundreds of millions of dollars to try and make the world a better place. Most specifically children with cancer and other terminal illnesses. If you get a chance you should read Shameless Exploitation in Pursuit of the Common Good by Mr. Newman and A.E. Hotchner. It tells the story of their founding of Newman's Own as well as the establishment of the Hole-in-the-Wall-Gang camps for kids.

He was also well-known as a racecar driver. Most people would be surprised to know that this is a hobby he didn't take up until he was in his forties. I think of that when I start to feel I am getting too old to try and do new things with my life.

He and Joann Woodward were married 50 years and are touted as a Hollywood success story when it comes to marriages. Admittedly they both left their spouses for one another, but whichever of you out there who can stay married half a century, give countless millions to benefit sick children and provide hours of joy to millions of people the world over can feel free to start hurling stones.

My greatest dream was to meet the man and hopefully work with him in some capacity. I'll add this to the ever-growing list of things that just ain't gonna come true. If you'll excuse me now - I gotta go cry a bit (and maybe eat a few hard-boiled eggs.)

Keeping a Cool Hand,

Kyle